Gurus?

I get asked this so often; I may as well post about it.

I think it's a great thing that people who are really good at helping others succeed with women are making a living and a lifestyle out of it. Of course I do; I'm one of them.

There is a gold mine of great information and great teaching out there. I don't think anyone who really knows what is going on thinks there is only way to succeed with women or that there is only one person or system that works.

But getting bad advice is worse than getting no advice at all. Improving your success with women is really about self-improvement. And self-improvement is pretty self-absorbed. So if you're getting bad advice, and internalizing it, your own mental processes will blind you to the warning signs that what you're doing isn't working.

To me, it's pretty simple. If you're going to spend time and/or more studying someone else's system, I'd ask myself these four questions:



* Is there any proof that it works?

Have you seen the guru himself practice what he preaches? Have you seen him get results doing what he says he does? Real results - it's very easy to burst into a conversation and entertain people for a few minutes. Can he get attractive women genuinely interested in him? If you haven't seen it, are there hundreds of testimonials that it works from people who know are real people and not from the guru's imagination?

You can check testimonials -- The Attraction Forums is the largest free forum for dating advice for men out there and there is a large part of it just for reviews of different programs, books, etc. Read what others have to say before you buy.

* Does it work for other people - not just the guru?

Everyone has elements to their game that aren't very transferable. My experiences living all over the world. Mr M's entrepreneurial history. Braddock's manic energy and sense of humor. (Or, for that matter, The Don's screenwriting or Cajun's shit-disturber attitude. Does the guru recognize this? Do other people do what the guru does, without these specific elements, and get results?

Most so-called PUAs are single-man shops (so it's just them, or just them and a bunch of minions). If you're exactly like the PUA in question, go for it. If you want something to be made to work for YOU (not the guy who's supposed to be training you) you need to go to a shop that's got more diversity of experience and training.

* Do they actually show you how it works?

Meeting women and beginning a relationship with them can easily be demonstrated and taught, live. To get good almost everyone needs to take one of these classes. Yes, the best ones are expensive, but it takes at least a year or two of training to reach that level of success and the ability to teach it to others. Even if you're not going to take one, make sure the people you're buying a book or a DVD from actually do offer them. If they don't, how do you know they're legitimate?



* Is there a money-back guarantee?

There are no standards for dating self-improvement. Anyone can make a website and call themselves an expert. I wouldn't spend a cent on anything that didn't come with a money back guarantee.




If you can't answer yes to all of these, I'd hold onto my time and money. Both are too precious.

Beware of impressive-sounding gurus with nothing to back it up. One of the unfortunate side-effects of all of these discussion boards for meeting women (and I think these boards are great - head on over to www.theattractionforums.com for what I think is the best one) is that some people become experts on the boards.

They're not experts in real life, but they are on these boards (and can sound good in person too). They've learned from months, or even years, of posting or observing these boards what kind of advice gets perceived as being valuable, how to defend themselves, and how to sound convincing. Many of these peoples' advice actually contain grains of truth and are derived from successful gurus, but are so divorced from the context in which these gurus intended that they are worse than useless; they are dangerous.

A prominent example of this is guys who have taken the leadership/be a man/don't supplicate advice way too far. For the record, the point is not to be a wuss. Not to become the world's biggest jerk.

I'll come back to this idea later. Being on the inside, I've seen things like this guy calling himself "Mehow" who was advertising himself as a dating coach when he'd been with one woman in his life. Or the (in)famous case of the virgin guru. These guys irritate me, not only because they mess with peoples' heads and send them in the wrong direction, but because they distract from the literally life-changing processes that the top guys can lead you through.