Crazy people

The week started well - any week that doesn't involve a trip to JFK airport is good in comparison with last week's. Odd fact about JFK - I always thought it was a shithole, because I only flew Jet Blue to New York. (I like Jet Blue, and they fly direct from Burbank, you can't beat that). But on the way back, I missed my flight and had to take American Airlines instead. And the AA terminal in JFK is actually nice. Who knew. Great food too. Way better food in New York than Los Angeles all around though.

Today had some amusement. There's this guy that was paying us $8.50 a month to be allowed to have his website in his signature on The Attraction Forums, who's been with us for a few months. He's been banned for spamming before but promised better behavior. Anyway, on Monday afternoon, I get some email about an "IP ban". 31 minutes later, I get a followup email. It gets funnier from there. Here are the emails.


Monday - 2:46pm

It's [name deleted], your buddy, haha.
Anyway, I'd like to get the IP unbanned off my Address.
Let me know if you need any info to do that.

Yours truly,

Monday - 3:17pm (31 minutes later)

Hi, what's the deal?

I responded saying I would look into it. I was out of the office all on Tuesday. Here's what came through:

Tuesday - 8:18am

You not getting back to me promptly.
I really can't let this continue for more than a day.
Could I please help you resolve this and get it over with?

This is such a trivial matter, it's just a forum!

Tuesday - 11:09am

Nick?

Tuesday - 7:13pm

I find your behavior as very rude.
You know I'm asking you and asking you to help me out and you take your sweet fancy fucking time.
It's discusting and I'm discusted.

How can't I be?

Now you're probably going to make an excuse or say you get 20 emails a day or whatever, but I can't buy into it.
You also may say, "just take your money back, we're through"

But you know what, that'd be bullshit too.

So please, get back to me. I will not ask again or I will contact whoever needs to be contacted to get this resolved.

Yours truly,

Tuesday, 7:20pm (7 minutes later, and 1 day, 4 hours after his original message)

By the way, this is very unprofessional of you to do.
If you're a real CEO, you would help me out right away, not let this go on for weeks like it has.

Wednesday, 8:43am

This is very frustrating and I'm very embarrased that I'm having to contact you this much to remove a "forum IP ban".
This should not be taking this long, not by any normal business practice measure..

My reply, Wednesday 9:33am

Hi [name],

I’m sorry that I am not going to be able to offer you minute-by-minute support. I am going to have your money refunded [ed: we even refunded him his previous months] and we can go our separate ways, and therefore our business process will no longer get in your way.

Best,

Nick Savoy

Wednesday 9:53am:

I do not want my money refunded.
I would like to get back on your forum.
Don't make this anymore difficult than it already is.

And again, two minutes later (Wednesday, 9:55am) - about 1.5 days since the original email:

Sir, you do realize that it has been over one week since I've even had any contact with you?
You must acknowledge that that is a very long time for a small matter like getting an IP ban removed.

My reply, Wednesday 9:59am

Hey man, it’s a business decision. It’s our company and we’ll let whoever we want onto the forums. It’s clear that you expect a level of service and responsiveness that is just something beyond our capabilities.

I am very sorry we’ve disappointed you. Giving you a full refund is more than fair. By terminating our relationship, this avoids you being disappointed in us again.

This decision has already been made. I’m sorry if you are disappointed. Please let me know if you don’t get a refund by the end of the week.

Best,

Nick Savoy

Wednesday, 11:12am:

You have humiliated me.
I just needed to get my IP ban removed.
And you're being a fucking jerk.

I will make sure to spread the word on your poor company practice in my reviews.

I think you're more vile than dirt.
Don't candy coat your e-mails with "Best, Savoy" it is such a phony way of communicating. Be real.

I will not let this go.

This is where I obviously should have dropped it. But it was starting to provide comic relief on an otherwise annoying day, so, avoiding anything offensive like signing my email "Best, Savoy", I soldiered on...

My reply, Wednesday 11:27am

No humiliation intended. We just can’t keep up with the service levels you expect. Rather than have you disappointed in the future, it is best to admit that we cannot provide the service level you expect. How on earth are you humiliated?

Savoy

Wednesday, 11:31am (4 minutes later):

Sir, let me make it clear.
I do not ask for any crazy about of service from you.
I just ask for the ban on my IP to be removed on the forums.
I have been in the IT industry, I know that is a very easy task to do.
After this problem solved, there is nothing more I need you guys for so you won't need to worry or deal with my "levels of service"

You can say, "well, then why use our service if you don't like our business practice?"

Because your online forum has been so valuable to me and my career and picking up women.
I have yet to find a "Forum" like it.

Please reply,

[name]

And then, 3 minutes later, Wednesday at 11:34am, which seems identical except for the subject line:

Subject Line: *revised*

Sir, let me make it clear.
I do not ask for any crazy amount of service from you.
I just ask for the ban on my IP to be removed on the forums.
I have been in the IT industry, I know that is a very easy task to do.
After this problem solved, there is nothing more I need you guys for so you won't need to worry or deal with my "level of service expectations"

In response, you can say, "well, then why use our service if you don't like our business practice?"

Because your online forum has been so valuable to me and my career and picking up women.
I have yet to find a "Forum" like it.

Please reply,

...which I declined to do. Eliciting this mail on Wednesday, 5:32pm:

\
You know it's funny, you were fast to refund my payment but not fast to remove the IP ban.
Get lost, you're just like the rest of them.

(the "rest of them" those awful people who give refunds too quickly...that's a real problem in the world these days. Just the other day, I got a refund on my phone bill and it came in 5 days. Much, much too fast. I was livid. I've already written 17 emails of complaint)


My reply, Wednesday 6:07pm

Wait a minute...you’re COMPLAINING that we were TOO FAST to REFUND you?

This has to be a first.

Dude, I have no idea what an IP ban is, how to set one, or how to change one. You emailed me about this Monday night. You mailed me 28 minutes later to ask me why I hadn’t done anything. There were 5+ more emails by the time I checked email Tuesday night (I was out of the office all day Tuesday), most of which were insulting. Seriously, I don’t have the time for that. Or to look up what the hell an IP ban is, if you’re going to be rude.

So I think this ends our conversation. I’m genuinely sorry it didn’t work out. I hope you find a forum more suited to your needs.

Nick

Epilogue: It turns out - when I talked to the forum admins - that no one knowingly banned his IP address - we're still not sure what he was talking about. In the admin's words, "you have to do some seriously shady stuff to get your IP banned". Though it's unclear what the problem was, because he used 20+ different IPs to post (nothing wrong with that in itself) and his account was active and accessible.

Now it's 9:02pm and I'm starting to miss them. One day I'll have a contest.